Money Trumps Love

When looking for a partner in life, most people would like to get that fuzzy feeling and marry for love, but surprisingly, in many cases that is not the number one thing that people look for nowadays.

Money comes in as a higher priority for those considering a potential partner, especially for those Americans who are more affluent. 56% of affluent Americans want someone who provides financial security, versus 44% who want to be "head over heels" in love. Of those polled, 63% said they preferred a career-focused partner over a socially conscious mate.

Interesting. Now consider that money is the number one issue that couples fight about. More than sex, more than their in-laws, more than where to dine tonight, more than what movie to watch… more than anything, couples fight about money.

So this might actually be a more sensible approach – partnering with someone because of money rather than love. Our culture is obsessed with the idea of “eternal love” — an idea fueled by love songs, poems, and romantic films that pound the idea that there is a single 'perfect counterpart' floating in the cosmos just waiting for us to find them. Our “soulmate.”

Psychology Today states that the more educated among us not only date for several years before taking the leap into married life, but they also don’t subscribe to the overly romanticized concept of a soulmate. In fact, this idea of a soulmate was first coined in an 1822 letter from English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge to "A Young Lady.”

Since the idea is relatively a new one, what was the general outlook beforehand? Well, according to research, love was considered more of a temporary emotion which was known to fade over time. The feeling of being infatuated with someone versus more long-term and practical concepts of living together was distinguished. A distinction worth noting, that these overwhelming emotions are not the same as the more stable, domestic feelings experienced by long-term couples who are only too aware of their partner's failings. 

Historically, one might even point to marriages arranged between kings of neighboring, and sometimes even warring, countries, so as to create an alliance between two nations and secure their sovereignty and their prosperity. King Edward “Longshanks” is known to have arranged a marriage between his son and the half-sister of King Alfonso of Castile. At the time, English fears of a Castilian invasion of the English province of Gascony induced Edward's father to arrange a politically expedient marriage.

But as far as modern times go, it’s not hard to understand why more unions are made based on financial concerns (something which could ensure a secure and prosperous future) rather than love (something which may grow and change or even fade over time.)

That’s not to say that successful marriages don’t exist and that love is not a part of a healthy union. They most certainly do. Otherwise, what would all those love songs be about?

 

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